For any parent who is being erased from their children’s lives, it can feel devastating, traumatic and hopeless. Being prevented from continuing a close and loving bond with your own child is vastly upsetting.
Parental Alienation is a global issue and one which can psychologically harm children for life.
Family law children matters are what I deal with on a day to day basis. I tend to represent either Mum or Dad; both of whom can express their concerns of the other about how they are not promoting the best interests of the child. In some case, a client may express that the other parent is deliberately causing harm to the child in the form of physical, emotional, mental or psychological abuse.
But what about the child that is stuck in the middle?
It’s a tough topic, but in order for there to be any kind of beneficial changes or developments – we really need to talk about it.
Let’s be honest, one parent will tend to believe that the other parent is the individual that is causing the damage. This may be the reality in some cases.
However, the more statistically viable reality is that both parents are responsible for causing a divide, whether deliberate or not.
What is Parental Alienation?
Conflict can occur after parental separation and this undoubtedly has a negative impact upon the child, one of the most significant impacts being one parent alienating the child against the other.
Parental Alienation is a term that refers to an attempt by one parent to convince a child to reject or turn against the other parent.
It is prevalent in Children Act proceedings that one parent will try to manipulate or undermine their child’s relationship with the other parent to gain an advantage in the ongoing proceedings.
What are the Signs?
- The child may simply refuse to talk to or be in the company of the parent they are being alienated from, assuming everything said by the alienator parent is right. They may start to give unconvincing reasons for not wanting to be with them.
- The child may be rude and show hatred towards them or the extended family or friends. In addition, the child may have no feelings of guilt for their behaviour.
- The child may talk in a negative manner about the parent in front of others, for example, teachers or friends. It can also be regarded as spreading animosity.
- The child may not accept anything positive coming from the parent they are being alienated from. They may take the side of the alienator parent and also see that everything that is said by that parent is right.
- The child may not be able to gauge what is right and wrong and simply believe whatever the alienator parent says to them.
If you believe your child is being affected by this type of behaviour, and your relationship with them is being damaged, you must speak up.
The big question is…. What can be done to stop it?
The best way to successfully treat the condition is catching it early and minimising it as best you can.
Here are some helpful ways to recognise and address this type of behaviour and the steps you can take to prevent or reduce it.
- Openly talk with each other parent to parent.
- Work together to ensure that your parental responsibilities are equal to each other.
- Do not allow your time with your child to be restricted.
- Do not allow the other parent to change the child’s name. If it appears that this is happening, or has happened, seek urgent legal advice.
- Do not allow the other parent to interfere with your capacity to interact with your child. Examples would be indirect contact by phone/video calls being prevented or face to face contact ceasing.
- Ensure that you are provided with all medical, social, or academic information about your child. If this is being restricted, raise it with the authority in question or seek legal advice.
- If the child refers to a new partner of the other parent as “Mum” or “Dad”, address it. Make sure that your status and role in your child’s life is being respected.
- Do not allow or enable the other parent to force your child to choose sides.
- Do not accept the other parent in providing the child with a significant amount of adult and legal knowledge. If this is happening, seek legal advice.
It is really important to work to maintain a positive, loving relationship with your child so that the child feels safe with you. If speaking with the other parent about the behaviours you’ve noticed does not assist and the alienation continues, you should consider a Court application and obtaining the legal advice you need.
Never give up on fighting for your child and ensure that your voice is heard.
If you need more help or advice on Parental Alienation or any Family Law Services please call, text or WhatsApp Jemma on 07534 175310.
Jemma Wentworth is a family lawyer who offers family law services throughout the UK as a Consultant Legal Executive for Ann McCabe Solicitors.